Oops, before we even notice it, another year has already come near us. I hate to turn this into a self-reckoning, but it is likely to go that way. I'm not the the sort to reflect on the past and see what i can do to make it alright next time. But going through post-graduate examination has changed me, in a positive way.
The cruel reality is that I'm still an underachiever-- flunk finals, fail certificate tests, unlikely to make this exam this time either. But this is only a partial definition of me. I worked as hard as everyone else could, though, inevitably, slept in sometime, failed to meet the to-do list I had complied earlier, and cut most of the lectures this semester (my boyfriend told me not to but I still did what I liked. (￣▽￣)" I told him I have priorities which worth my skipping lectures. I didn't even talk to him that much during all this while, and I feel deeply sorry but it is a sacrifice I have to make. ) It is a blissful thing to see many others fighting together with me, standing in the hallway with books on hand and read them out loud so as to memorize as much as possible. some take snacks with them and would have a few bites when feel peckish (save the lunch time). I would memorize some important concepts on the fly. It is hard but when I find myself with so many other strive on the path they had taken, I took solace from it and told myself that it is nothing but a small test in life. Plus, I have the choice to do it once more. When I fekt knocked out, a mere glance at others would motivate me and an idea popped out that quit halfway is the a coward... Despite all that negative thoughts I did my utmost. And now, with sheer luck, I can be spared the effort to do it all again.
Like every other tests we have gone through, we learn things, which is good already. Lessons learnt in failure can have a lasting effect. So I get to know my weak points and will work on it in the hope that I can deliver a better performance next time.
Without any social life, I spent the year mostly bent on my studies. First, I do not belong to the ranks of smarty pants nor those personae gratae. More like a weirdo, live in my own world and got my own plans and never got along with the rest of the group...This May, I stayed in library almost all day to study for I needed a certain certificate, sadly, missed the pass line for 10 points. Not sure if I can make it after another year. When I finished this, summer holidays approached so I let my hair down and relapsed into the old way of life. It was until October did I realized that with any further dillydallying, I stand no chance. So I started to knuckled down and kept that momentum on till a few hours ago.
I griped to my boyfriend that I am a toast, but I regretted it for he is in the holiday and I must have ruined his jolly mood. But it feels good to have someone willing to act as a receptacle to receive all that poisonous stuff ( I admit, it is selfish.)
I am not gonna let a few tests define my 2016, though it tells a lot. I happen to have read something written by Yangjiang, and I learnt from it that the world it's yours only, it has nothing to do with others. Sorrow or bitterness is for yourself to experience and then you will be shaped by which.
Future is on me to decide and it is good to know there is someone to build that future with me. Bygones are bygones and what is to come is yet to come. When still young why not go for the original dreams that you dreamt so often and romantically? It will be a pity only when years later you find yourself sighing constantly on your deathbed.